When referring to culture, one typically relates unique aspects and characteristics carried by a large group of similar standing and experience. Looking at how culture develops around the world and throughout history, it is typically started and developed passively. This is just the case, in my opinion, for each of our families.
I doubt many people think of their family dynamics and interactions as "culture", but the more you think about it, the more it makes sense. Your family is unique, and they are how they are based on location, shared experience, tribulations, etc. Like any other culture, influence from outside variables such as other families and the broader culture around are known factors in the development; however, there are more important factors I'd like to focus on.
The reading this week inspired reflection in myself on my family, extended family, and friends. Slowly I took out the influences that are less unique in specifically my family: Religion, Aspirations, Connections, location, etc. These influences heavily influence people and therefore families, however, they can change and do change, and everyone has those influences changing. But not everyone has my father, or me as their younger brother. Not everyone has the specific experiences we have.
As I continued reading and thinking, I read the word boundaries. Of course, I read much more than that word, but it was all I really needed. Boundaries are unique to the individual as the purpose and reason behind them are based on individual experiences. The foundation of how family and friends interact with each other is the boundaries we express and enforce in one another. As individuals, we often get irritated and upset by others not respecting our boundaries and understandably so. Have you ever thought how the installment of a boundary affects and changes the environment around you? I said boundaries are the foundation of family dynamics, but in reality, it's more like the gamble of impactful or inconsequential adjustment of family dynamics.
As we get older, we're going to develop more boundaries, and these boundaries are going to affect those we love far more than those we don't. Established boundaries can either take the fire away from the bridge or pile it on further. Why do you have the boundaries you do? We often develop boundaries through negative experiences. Do they help you or prevent you from growing? As a family grows, these boundaries will come and go but their influence will stay, big or small. How do you react when someone pushes your boundary? Does the consequence of ignoring a boundary always cause a negative result? Sometimes for the sake of growth, we reject the boundaries of those we care for; however, how you go about working through that experience changes the dynamic of the relationship.
Think about the first time you crossed a line with your parents when you were a kid. Probably not the best experience in memory, right? How did your view of your parent change after you crossed that line, and how do you think their view of you changed? We all want to say minor things don't influence our opinions, but I think the minor things cause more change over time because we don't notice, and therefore don't address their impact. We are going to passively connect relating events like patterns, until eventually we have a set trait in mind for a person, but we may not have the strongest justification for how we feel. The boundaries we enforce to those around us depend on how we see those we enforce them to. You may really value silence or personal space, but feel indifferent or comfortable with certain people crossing that boundary. This is all to say, our passive image of each other develops our boundaries for each other.
The more we're around someone, the more complex our view and therefore out boundaries for that person change and become. Now add 5 or so other individuals into our stew of madness and you've got what looks like a minefield but operates like a river. Sometimes it's the other way around. Allow me to share my train of thought in a more understandable way, look at how you celebrate holidays. You don't celebrate every holiday the same, because of the value you put in it. Let's take out the holidays that have religious value and focus on the ones that have or become more a family holiday. As you got older, how you celebrated changed, because how you and your family related and reacted to said celebrations changed. What you're comfortable doing or being changed. Saying it changed because you got older is simply another way for saying it's changed because your experiences have differed. I brought up holidays because they're the easiest constant in cultures.
I know I tend to get carried away and don't always make sense, but I hope any and all who read get something out of this.
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